My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
