mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize
