he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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