with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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