I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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