Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
