I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
