I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
