why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
