My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
