I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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