I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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