with your own penis?
babies were throwing up all over the place
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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