Moan for me like Helen Keller
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We have started to decorate penises.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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