vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize