he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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