did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
