$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
