At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
