did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
