I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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