Tell her she can't have a vagina
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
