whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
