I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
