if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
