you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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