Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
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you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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