I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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