how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
