yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
