idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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