you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Randomize
