If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i wish my penis had a tongue
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
