Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
