Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
