First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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