they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
