Having a random hookup so left but love u
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
