toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
