After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
