I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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