are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
