So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
