Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
