I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
