I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The feeling are messing with the penis
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
