Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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