kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
