My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
