is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
