Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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