u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
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watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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