we have officially mastered the walk of shame
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
