she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
