'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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