The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
