dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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