Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I need to wash the frat house off of me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
