I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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