Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
