She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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