I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
