spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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