I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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