Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
