She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
