This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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