Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
