no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
