We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
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My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.