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The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Randomize
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