i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra