she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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