Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
