I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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