I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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