how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
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