1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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