I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
