I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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