all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
