she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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