YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
