there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
