The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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