oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
