saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
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I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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