I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize